Its been a long time since I have posted once again. There hasn't been too much going on. Steven and I are planning a trip back home to Washington! Its going to be the first time in about two years since we have been home. Its long overdue. We had looked at flying. Everyone knows my fear about flying. But I am going to get over it. I am determined. Well its too expensive to fly so we are going to drive. I am just happy to be going home. I have been thinking lately about how next time this year Steven will be getting ready to graduate. Thats crazy to me! Yesterday we went grocery shopping and after I just sat in the car for a while to think. It was pouring rain out and I was just thinking to myself. I kept looking at our house and suddenly it hit me that we aren't going to be living here much longer. And it made me sad! I am excited to be getting done with school and have it out of the way but at the same time its going to be really hard leaving here. I have become attached. So weird because I never thought I would say that about living here.
My mom is beginning chemo on Wednesday. I wish that I could be there to be a support to her. Although I can't I know that she will have many people with her and thinking of her. She is being really positive. I am going to take note of her. She has always been a great example to me but now more than ever.
My Grandma recently has been in the hospital. I think she is going to be okay but it makes me think back that I haven't seen her in a long time and that I should. Its funny how now that I am older its so much harder to see everyone you love and want to see. Time flys by faster these days. I cannot believe that it is May already either.
I have been struggling with infertility again. It hit me really hard last Sunday. A couple of weeks ago I had asked Steven about a blessing because I thought that it might help with how I am feeling. Last Sunday as we were walking into the chapel a girl from our ward came up and shook our hands. She then asked me when my birthday was. I told her that it was coming up in a couple of weeks. She said 'cool! And how old are you going to be?' 'I said 25' and then walked away. As we were sitting down in our seats a really depressing feeling came over me. I am 25 years old and I don't have kids. My mom is going to be going through chemo and she doesn't have any grandchildren. I am halfway to 50!!! I let these thoughts pull a dark cloud over my me all day long. When we got home Steven said that he thought it was def time for a blessing. During parts of the blessing I was sad at some things that were said. Overall I got a peaceful feeling. I know that everything will turn out as it should. The main point that came across from the blessing was that I just needed to have patience. I am trying. I try and focus on other things and keep my mind on good things that are uplifting.
2 comments:
So when are you guys going to drive out to Washington? Doug and I are going to drive up at the end of July (leaving Utah probably around the 23rd since Doug has a day off for Pioneer Day). It would be awesome if we could see each other!
I'm also so sorry that having a baby has been so difficult for you and Steven. I wish there was something I could do or say that would make you feel better, but I understand that sometimes you may just not want to hear what I have to say. Just know that I love you and I know the Lord is so happy with you and what you are trying to do with your life, and you will be blessed. Ik now you and Steven have been a great blessing in my life. The girls love you and you guys make a great aunt and uncle, which is something I treasure a lot. I wish I was an aunt, because they are so special and have such a different and special relationship with their nieces and nephews in a way parents don't. I remember thinking so highly of my aunts and uncles as a child and a teenager, and sometimes listening to them much more readily that I would listen to my own parents. I'm so happy that my kids have you guys to look up to and be with throughout their lives. I couldn't ask for better role models. :) Hang in there. I know the Lord will answer your prayers one day.
I don't know what to say except that when I see you with those little sunbeams I know that when the time is right you will be a fantastic mom and Steven will be there to support you as an awesome dad! We'll pray for you guys :)
Post a Comment